The Talk – Yes, I’m a Bad Mom
Back in 5th grade, Jordan comes up to me one night and she says ‘I need the talk, you need to give me the talk’. I ask her why and she proceeds to say that her friends are having ‘the talk’ with their parents and I need to do it with her. I told her I didn’t want to, my parents didn’t have ‘the talk’ with me. She said she didn’t care. I said if her friends are already having the talk – why couldn’t one of them explain it to her. She was adamant that I needed to do it. I told her I’d get back to her once I had some science pictures. I figured she’d forget.
The next night she asks again. Again, I try to get out of it but she will not leave me alone. Finally, her father says she’s probably conning us and that no one is actually getting ‘the talk’. So, we ask her to give us specific names of who she is referring to… she actually begins to give us names.
Later that night, I lay in her bed and begin… ‘So you remember when I was pregnant with Ella and you asked me where the seed came from to fertilize the egg to make a baby?’ She replies yes… I tell her it comes from the father. She wants to know how it gets from the father to the mother. I told her that it comes from their privates and a boy and girl should never be naked near each other. I didn’t lie, but I didn’t tell her everything. We talked a bit more and I assumed that was it until the school program went through the details.
The next night, I am tucking her in and she says ‘Mom! You know who is naked around each other??’ Before she says anything else I am regretting my short cut the previous night. When I ask who, she replies wide eyed ‘Ryan and Ella!’ – her younger siblings. Oh boy, now I am really uncomfortable. So, I explain the ‘seed’ comes from the man’s penis and it actually has to go into a place in the woman’s body. Not once does this kid cringe or say ‘gross’. She just asks – ‘but WHY would anyone do that?’ – totally straight faced. Next thing I know I am going into more detail, I’m cringing.
And yet we are not done…the next night I am tucking her in and she says, ‘So if I was an accident, then how did you and daddy accidentally end up naked together?’. The hole I have dug has gotten worse and I can’t seem to get out. By the time I said goodnight I ended up talking about condoms which I suspect was not part of the school’s curriculum. The next day I told her that we are going to have to find someone who was better suited to answer her questions because this is all making me really uncomfortable – she replies with a bit of a smile ‘I know.’ Stinker.